I have a new job (hooray for me etc etc), which means that I finally need regular childcare for Jack. And while I’ve been extremely lucky to have so much help from my incredible family up until this point (and still do, thanks folks), I had to find a nursery for the boy.
Finding one was the easy part, doing the maths to figure out if it was even worth going to work once I’d paid for it was slightly more difficult, and the really REALLY hard part was leaving him there on my first day of work.
I’d heard it said that being a working mum is feeling that every time you’re working you should be at home with your baby, and every time you’re at home you feel you should be working. I can confirm this to be true, and while I know that the boy will settle into nursery and love it once he’s used to it, these are the thoughts that have gone through my head during his first few days…
Why am I leaving him here with these strangers?
No really, whhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy???
Will they be able to stop him crying?
Will they be able to get him to sleep?
Will he hate me when I get home from work?
That’s selfish of me why am I thinking about myself?
Of course he’ll hate me.
Unless I give him some chocolate.
They had BETTER NOT be feeding him chocolate at nursery.
I hope he eats something.
I wonder if he’s still crying.
How soon is too soon to call and check on him?
I’ll give it another 10 minutes.
I miss him,
I hope he misses me,
Except I hope he’s fine without me and has forgotten that he misses me.
OK I’m calling.
But will they be having breakfast?
…And so it continues on a 20 minute cycle for roughly the whole day or so.
I can only assume that, as promised at every juncture, things will get easier.